Lost a friend today. He stopped answering questions twice.
KeckCoordinate
OP2 days ago
I don't know where else to post this. My best friend of 14 years came over last night. I've known him since college. Something was wrong from the moment he walked in. I asked him twice what he wanted to drink. Twice he didn't answer. Just stood in the kitchen looking at the fridge. Then he said, 'same as always,' which is not an answer — we don't have a 'same as always.' I don't know if he's been replaced. I don't know if he's sick. I don't know if I'm supposed to help him or protect myself. I am writing this because if I don't write it down I will start to doubt it happened.
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You are not wrong to write this down. The twice-unanswered question is a significant marker. So is 'same as always' as a non-answer. Document the visit hour by hour while it's fresh. Do not confront him yet.
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sorry, friend. this is the hard one. what you're describing is either a full substitution or a partial overwrite. substitution rarely reverses. partial overwrite can, if the person goes somewhere they were emotionally anchored before the event. ask him to go to a specific place from your shared history. see if he remembers unprompted.
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I had a similar experience with an uncle in 2021. He came back — not the same, but recognizable — after about 6 weeks. Something about him was thinner afterwards. Your friend may return. Keep the door open. Don't close it yet.
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stand by your post. some of us have held a line for a person who eventually crossed back over. it takes time and it takes steady presence. do not abandon him while you are working out what he is.
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the ones that come back are never quite the same. but they come back.
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KeckCoordinate
14 hours ago
I called him today. He answered. He sounded tired. He asked how my mom is — she passed in 2022 and he was at the funeral. I reminded him, gently. He paused for nine seconds. Then he said 'right. I'm sorry. I'm having a hard week.' I said I'd come over Saturday. He said please. I will report back.
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MorrisseyMarginalia
6 hours ago
We will be here Saturday night. Post when you get home. You are not alone in this.
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